My flavor of Autism and ADHD has a varying level of memory difficulties. If I set a screwdriver down at work 3 years ago, and no one has touched it, I can paint an explicitly detailed mind picture of where it is. I can walk right to the thing and pick it up. I can go through the inventory of tools and parts, I can go through my catalog of comic books, and I can give detailed information about GUI interfaces just by closing my eyes and imagining I was there.
There are times I have conversations or take action in my imagination. These are usually times that involve other people. It’s sort of a internalized rehearsal gearing up to deal with humans. Sometimes, I rehearse so much, that the conversation or action becomes solidified and I can’t remember if it actually occurred or not.
When I loan someone a book, DVD, money, whatever, I go through a period of time of completely forgetting that I handed over the property. Then, a day comes along where something happens to trigger a desire to use that property. I will look for the property for a very long time, and my significant other will remind me that I loaned it out. At that point, I start rehearsing the conversation to ask for the property back.
It’s stressful, because I feel it will be confrontational. I build it up to be the thing that ends the relationship forever. I rehearse and rehearse and then those conversations become as real to me as the property I handed over. And, then I believe that the property was returned. Then I forget all about it.
Later, another event will trigger the desire and I go through the loop again.
As a way to avoid any of these complications, I have adopted a strict policy. If I give you something, it is yours. The only thing I ask in return is that someday, you show generosity to someone else. It’s a lot easier for my brain to deal with, and the end is defined clearly.
