There are many times in my life that I simply do not realize that I should be angry. At these times, people close will ask, “Aren’t you upset?” or simply tell me how upset they would be in my situation. Or, even worse, how upset they are on my behalf.
These are usually kind, caring, loving people that are actually (in their belief) looking out for my benefit. But, up until they point out that I am supposed to be angry, I just didn’t mind what was going on around me.
In my mind, I was never bullied as a child. Others pointed out that people did indeed try to bully me. They did things that were insulting and mean. But to me, they were just people that I sort of… greyed out. Like a defocused fuzzy view of them. Almost ignored. But not in the conscious actively-ignoring way. It was just sort of blurred out of my life. I didn’t get on the bus and see a bully and start having a sped up heart rate or a sweaty pits. I was just fortunate enough to be laser focused on seeing my friend and walking to sit next to them.
I would like to say I have a full proof plan, but I am just extremely lucky to have a brain that focuses on good things. UNTIL someone asks me how things are going. If I am not saying anything, it is because things are bad. I’m not saying anything because I am erasing bad stuff from my memory.
How Was Work Today?
For a few years, my significant other asked how my day at work was. I would unload about how miserable I was. Not because I was absolutely miserable or even angry, but once I started down the path, I want to ensure I get all the details downloaded to someone else’s brain. That requires a lot of stuff that I just roll over and usually don’t pay to much attention to… but some nerdy engineer living in my brain feels the need to highlight that detail because it is important for the other details to be fully understood.
So, of the 90 things I say about a work day, about 87 are … what appear to most people outside of my brain, as awful items that should be intolerable. But to me, I enjoy those three things and fog over that long list of junk.
Ignorance is bliss, and I am generally blissful ignoring all the bad stuff.
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