There is a phenomenon that happens to me almost every day. It has happened to me my entire life.
I can make guesses, theories, hypotheses, whatever. But that ends up being a practice in insanity because I lack enough data and information to make a guess… or a theory… or even a hypothesis.
Since 1973, I have not completed a full sentence.
It’s so prevalent in my life, that when I write scenarios in my brain to entertain myself (some call it fantasizing), I insert interruptions.
I know part of it is that I am smart, and I appear to others to be much smarter than I am. So, people, I guess, want to impress me and demonstrate that they are smart. And they want to demonstrate that they are shoulder to shoulder with me on the current journey. Only to find that they kept going down the straight path and I hooked a left down that alley, squeezed past the dumpster, into the backdoor of the Chinese restaurant, up the stairs, out the window to the fire escape, leapt over to the next building and shimmied down the drain pipe to sidewalk.
I know a part of it is my Autistic-induced speech pattern that is confident, while still being completely unsure of itself. Not to mention the ADHD-induced memory wipes that force me to pause so I can dig in the seat cushion to find the word that fell out of my pocket.
I know that I tend to go into excruciating detail on everything. — PAUSE—
Ok, so, as an Autistic person with a higher than average IQ, I often make the mistake of believing all people are samesies and equals on all levels. But, they are not. People, in general, are stupid. People, in general, believe they are above average. Working in a technical field, I often made this mistake and felt my audience was fully understanding and seeing the mind picture I was painting. But, instead of the DaVinci painting I was putting out, they were seeing a 2 year old’s finger painting disaster. So, I stopped taking their understanding for granted (or granite) and began forcing them to see the picture by describing every single brush stroke.
When writing procedures, it’s a good thing. In verbal conversation, not so much.
— UNPAUSE —
All of those chopped up vegetables get dumped into the soup that is my inability to finish a sentence.
it wouldn’t hurt so much if the conversion rate wasn’t less than 10%. Like, 90% of the time, which is all the time, that I am interrupting by someone guessing my next words… is wrong.
Verbally, I do not know how to communicate. Over the years, my verbal participation in the human experiment has dwindled to a slow trickle. By the time I have to say my last words, I’ll probably be fully non-verbal.
